You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
