I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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