I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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