I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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