So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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