I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
