I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
