Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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