Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
smell my finger.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize