i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
