i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize