they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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