I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize