I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
vagina is talking i cant
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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