Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
