Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
