stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My bed smells like the plague
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
