Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
