I skipped work to stalk him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
