he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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