it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
