She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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