So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize
