found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i've created a new STD.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
