Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize