just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everything about him screamed your future.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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