i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
