i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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