he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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