I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
