I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
