I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
