Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
