There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
