i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
do nipples grow back?
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