you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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