I think my vagina is haunted
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
