I think my fart just growled at me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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