Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize