The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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