the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Enjoy the penises
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
