Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
