i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
