How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
