I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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