He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
