Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He felt like a one man threesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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