Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
