my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
