my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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