Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
