hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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