wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
