I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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