No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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