I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
