If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize