um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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