oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
