I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
