just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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