i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
