Michael Bay diarrhea
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
