do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
