fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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