he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
